I had someone recently pose the question “how do you begin to let go?” This letting go can be of items, beliefs, ideas, things we want to do or ways we want to be, even fantasies, anything a person can hold onto. For this particular person (we shall call her Tamera) it was of holding onto everything. Tamera had recently been in a course where they explained that many of us start to accumulate many lifetimes of wants, desires, and “things we should be doing” and we put all these into a wheelbarrow and push these wheelbarrows everywhere with us depleting our energy and taking up mental space. She found this analogy greatly beneficial for her own understanding and so we will continue to use it here. In every aspect of Tamera’s life she was holding onto something, overwhelming herself and her wheelbarrow to the point where she found herself unable to accomplish anything and dissatisfied because she could never get to do everything she wished to do.

            She wanted to let go of things and indeed logically she even understood exactly what she needed to let go of and how to do it, but what she didn’t understand is why she couldn’t bring herself to actually take those steps. Now I am not discussing actual physical hoarding here; that is a little different. The missing link was the internal dynamics that were at play. The first was a varying list of negative beliefs that were keeping her where she was, stuck in a never-ending cycle of breakdowns and the sky is falling thinking. These negative beliefs basically say “You have to do xyz, or you are a failure, bad, not normal, unworthy” etc. They also skewed her vision of reality, an example of this was that everything she does including her passions and hobbies has to bring in an income and if they don’t then she shouldn’t be allowed to do them or have them. After bringing these belief systems to light she was able to let them go, and re-claim her power and right to have self-time, hobbies and enjoy her ‘free time’ free from pressure. This inevitably allowed her to be more productive and happy in the job that actually makes the money.

            The second internal aspect that was playing out was the romanticized fantasies of certain things. When we have a romantic idea of what we want to do, or how we want a situation or relationship to be, we run into trouble because our romantic fantasies rarely match up to reality. Tamera had many of these and instead of allowing things to be as they are she would put so much pressure on each situation until she couldn’t take it and so avoided and didn’t do it anyway. The language she used was, “well I can’t let go of that, because I really want to do that one day as it could turn into something great.” If we can learn to let go of our romanticizing and learn to just let things be, we eventually feel deep peace and joy. Tamera found that she was finally able to let go of vast amounts of “crap” in her wheelbarrow freeing up so much energy and mental space that she was finally able to take part in and experience what was truly important to her, not just that she should be doing everything in her wheelbarrow.  

The biggest lesson to her was that she allowed herself to empty the wheelbarrow, and if something is truly meant to be part of this lifetime then it will re-appear again at the right time when she can truly enjoy it.

            So what can we learn from this and how can it help each of us in our own lives and journeys? The following list of questions can help you to clarify your own internal dynamics that are at play and hopefully help you to take the first step forward to what you truly want. FYI in the following bullets ….. will represent the thing you are holding onto. It can also be beneficial to first look at what you are ready to let go of and then go through the process to actually let go.

If you are holding onto and can’t let of something that is bringing you stress, anxiety, negativity or just plain fear ask yourself the following questions:

·      What are the Beliefs that I hold around this …..? (thing you are holding onto)

·      Have I romanticized this ….. and if so how, and what is reality?

·      If I let go of ….. then (write in what comes up.)

·      Or alternately: If I let go of ….. then what will happen?

·      What emotions are at play while I am contemplating ….. and are they holding me back?

The Next step will be looking at what you really want and what is truly important to you. You can do this in the ‘love state’ if it helps. In most cases we need to know where we are going in order to actually make progress and move forward. If all we do is move away from what we don’t want we never end up going anywhere.

·      What do I really want?

·      What do I really want to be doing – right now or in the future?

·      What is truly important to me?

·      What do I love doing?

·      What do I find inspiring and gives me passion?

The other questions you can ask to help you come to a resolution and get closure are:

·      What else is in the way of me letting go of …..?

·      What do I need to do in order to let go of …..?

·      What lesson(s) do I need to learn in order to let go of …..?

·      What would help me to let go of …..? (Example more information on a specific situation etc.)

Now the final step is actually letting go, this may mean selling something, moving, grieving, changing, simply allowing yourself to be ok or erasing some frivolous items off the wheelbarrow list. I personally found it helpful when letting go of sentimental objects that were beginning to over clutter and stress me out by visualizing taking the memory and emotion associated with the object back so that I always have that. (Taking a digital image to remember can also be helpful as they don’t take up space.) There are also many, many ways to do this ‘letting go,’ whether it be through meditation, physical throwing out/donating, or a sacred ceremony, what matters is that however you let go of things it gives you closure and allows you to find joy and peace.

Joy and Peace to all,

Charlotte Brammer