The food and weight dance in essence became her scapegoat, her way of not having to look at the fact that she herself was stopping love in her life through her behaviors. These behaviors are her defense mechanisms that are keeping the pain of not being good enough, being bad and unworthy of love as a child suppressed. To her having a loving relationship in her adult life was terrifying because it might actually prove that she is bad, and unworthy of love causing her unbearable pain.

In actuality the goals of the love and fear place are very similar: the goals of the fear place are: to meet a need, whatever that need may be – love, safety, etc. and to avoid pain. The goals of the love place are to meet a need, whatever that need may be – love, safety etc. and to heal, let go of and transcend pain, (this is where they differ.) The benefit to healing, letting go of and transcending your pain is this: it frees all the energy you were using to maintain all the walls keeping your pain in, the pain no longer exists on any level and so instead of continually feeling it over and over and over again you never have to feel it again, you learn new understanding, lessons and wisdom that help you to be successful in the rest of your life and more importantly you can start moving forward, being happy and achieving what you want to achieve enjoying your life instead of being perpetually stuck in your ever increasing pain cycle.

For Susan this means that she would finally be able to understand that she is perfectly worthy of love and that she is good. She can finally forgive those that hurt her as a child once she realizes that they were acting out of their own fear places, and their hurtful behavior was the only way they knew to keep their own pain away. It really had nothing to do with Susan other then she triggered her parent’s, siblings, friends etc. own pain. Learning how to align to all this new information and live more from her true self, now that it isn’t buried under all that pain and unhealthy dynamics, she can finally have a fulfilling and loving relationship with herself and a romantic partner. A byproduct of these new relationships and information is that it eliminated her need to overeat and she is now able to clearly see new situation and advances as what they really are.

Up until now we have been using our love place to understand where we are operating and making choices from and then understanding the truth in our current situation. The Centered Awareness technique is the flip side to this and its extension. CAT will allow you to search out and find anything that causes you pain without you having to be in a direct situation that is triggering that pain; which will allow you to see it clearer then if you were in the middle of say a strong emotion. It is just another tool that you can use to find blocks. A block is anything that is keeping you from achieving natural wellness. Once you find a block you can then apply tools, and techniques to heal and let go of it. In some cases as in the example I shared in the blog Drama Versus Peace all that is needed is to recognize what is happening and then do something different.

            Ultimately what each dynamic and block requires will be different, even though the healing formula remains the same. In the end you ultimately hold the knowledge of what exactly that is and the power to learn what you need to do and how to heal it. For me this is a never ending process, one that I enjoy and am passionate about. Although, if you asked me how much I enjoy the process when I am in the middle of one of my blocks my degree of enjoyment may be different. The outcome and the benefits are always worth it because with each block we heal the happier and freer we become.

Wishing the very best to all in all situations,

Charlotte Brammer